November 3, 2011

On Friends and Loneliness

Do you read Penelope Trunk?  Because you should.  It’s funny though, as a “career expert” she does very little writing that is explicitly about careers.  It all relates to careers somehow, but she mostly just writes about things we don’t want to acknowledge about ourselves and about life.  Like how you shouldn’t do what you love, you should pay more attention to sex than money, and no, women can’t have it all.  Despite sounding like something you don’t want to read, her blog is something you SHOULD NOT MISS.

Penelope Trunk has Asperger Syndrome and just about every other month or so she has me thinking I do too.  This is partially due to the fact that I have a slight case of hypochondria AND that people with Aspergers have a lot in common with introverts, which if you haven’t already guessed, I am.  In her latest article she talks about loneliness.  And about how difficult it is for people with Aspergers to make and keep friends.  Naturally my identification with this trait has me thinking that I’ve gone 31 years without anyone acknowledging that I OBVIOUSLY have Aspergers.  Damn doctors.

Really, though, it makes me want to admit to the internet that I am lonely too.  Cue the tiny violin, y’all!

Not lonely in the “I have no friends, I want to kill myself” kind of way, but rather in the “Make new friends? Ehhh” kind of way.  I already HAVE friends.  Great, wonderfully fantastic friends.  With fancy gang names–like the Gulf Coast Kooter Brigade–and a vast collective memory of good times and wacky aliases.  They just happen to be–with the exception of the hubs–living very far away from me.  And while phone calls, Facebook chats, letters, and care packages can take me pretty far, sometimes a girl just needs someone to hit a happy hour with, ya feel me?

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Here’s my problem: having a long-time, close-knit group of friends who totally and completely get me makes it HELLA hard to find new friends that can live up to my expectations.  Not to go all Virgo on you, but I generally have pretty high standards for the folks I spend my time with.  Must have smarts without arrogance, personal style without being materialistic, and one hell of a sense of humor–ALL kinds of humor.  No self-proclaimed hipsters, born-agains, or all-around douchebags. Anyone who watches The Bachelor on a regular basis or Jersey Shore without shock and disgust need not apply.  Last, but certainly not least, we gotta CLICK, baby.

While I’ve certainly come across a cool chick or two here in Michigan, it’s that last one that screws everything up. Making friends can be awkward, and I don’t play that.  I’m so grateful I’ve got Jeffrey… as long as I’ve got him, I’m good.  Just hoping one day I’ll come across some kindred spirits in Michigan who appreciate my nerdiness, can get down on a decent brew, and can tell a good joke.

What about you?  Have you ever had a hard time making friends–by choice or otherwise?  Where’d you score your posse at?

xo Em

1 Comment

  1. I’ve been wanting to comment on this since you posted, and was sad to see no one else has commented. Actually, I was going to send you an e-mail regarding this but couldn’t find your e-mail address on your blog.

    Anyway, yes, I totally agree. Making friends as an adult can be surprisingly difficult. Growing up, you don’t realize how good you have it with the huge potential friend pool that comes with going to school every day. As an adult, where the hell are you supposed to meet people? Potentially work, but how many people do you work with closely? A dozen? (Even that’s a generous estimate for some people.) Of those dozen people, how many are even considered peers? Or have friend potential?

    A lot of my current friends I’ve had since high school, no joke. It’s not a bad thing, but it would be nice to have some fresh blood. I feel like I have way too much to say about this for a blog comment, so if you want to chat about it more, e-mail me! courtneynobody{at}gmail{dot}com

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